Monday, April 1, 2013

Half Way to April 16th

It's about two weeks until April 16th and when the results of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award's third round are revealed. When quarterfinalists become semifinalists and begin the mad race to first prize.

There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by without me feeling something. Especially the polar ends of my feelings about this contest. Today is a day when all my fears have gathered around me and insisted upon playing a staring match. The kind where you can't blink and your eyes dry out and twitch. The kind I was never very good at. Staring without looking away was better for me, but I never could figure out the mechanics of how to keep my eyelids from falling.

Where the ABNA is concerned it is easier for me to prepare myself for not making it through than it is for me to hope my name will be among the few. Not that I am giving up. I'm ready for a good staring contest, because giving in to my fears has never benefitted me. I still have days when hope rises and fills my heart with dreams. It's just hard to hope freely when I don't know if it will be crushed later. I don't want to set myself up for greater disappointment. Even though it would seem wonderful to let dreams run loose and indulge my fantasies, controlling them now keeps me from despair later.

Do you have any dream that you are afraid won't happen? What did you do if it did? Or didn't?

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